Dear Friends
and Intercessors,
It's 2:00 AM
and my children, my brother and his kids have left the motel room after 2 hours
of recounting the endearing anecdotes, humorous stories and stirring
memories we have of the person we know of as "Victorious Spirit"- Vicki
Hall. That's how she would have wanted the day to end. She truly enjoyed her
family- the craziness, the laughter and the volume of noise usually associated
with the Halls. We had just said good-bye to Vicki at the hospital as we
watched the numbers and the wavy lines on the monitor go
lower until they register nothing. And then we sang "To God Be The Glory" (one
of her favorite hymns) and then hugged what was left of her lifeless body and
then one other. We were all vitally connected and uniquely touched because of one woman's influence.
The roller
coaster of the previous day carried into the early morning. She seemed
restful when I stepped out of my night watch to eat breakfast while the
previous shift transfers orders to the next crew for the new day. During
that time they were putting Vicki on the dialysis machine and the strain
proved to be too hard for her heart. She had a coronary attack,
dropping her blood pressure, and causing a lack of oxygen. In that moment
she died. But they resuscitated her and intubated her (breathing
machine) and created an artificial new blood pressure by medical
injections, but they came to me with their assessment that her body was
shutting down organ by organ: kidneys, liver, heart, bowels, blood. As
far as they were concerned it was not a matter of days, but hours. We
were told we needed to "let go."
That was not
a decision I intended to make alone. All of our children and our parents
were called in to come to an agreement as to what we sensed God was
saying and doing in this painful situation. When everyone eventually
arrived, I brought in Dr. deKeratry, who was the single most important
physician to fight for Vicki against all odds and conventional wisdom the
previous time Vicki came out of her 7 week hospital odyssey. He never gave
up! The one who fought for us so vigorously before told us
that, barring
a miracle, she was not going to recover. One-by-one the organs were
shutting down Before the
meeting he asked me about the 4-5 men in Vicki's room who were making a
commotion with their vigorous speech. "They're my elders and
people
praying for that miracle. they are expecting a creative miracle or a
resurrection!" He nodded his head pensively and began to explain
Vicki's plight.
Everyone agreed that they were expecting a miracle, but if it didn't occur
soon, they did not want Vicki to suffer an agonizing death. We wanted her
comfortable. Then the group went back in to intercede for a miracle.
This is NOT
the way I expected this to end. I have tried to share with you honestly
my feelings and issues through all of this pilgrimage, and I do not intend
to gloss over it now. I have no trite, theological explanations
that Vicki is now truly healed. Yes, I know Vicki is in heaven and is
rejoicing at the sight of her daughter, Tiffany; her sister, Debbie; my
sister & her friend, Donna; and myriad of other family and friends who
preceded her. She is present with her Lord, Whom she loves and has
served all these years faithfully. She is free from the pain of the ravages
of cancer.
She wanted all
of that, but not before she saw ALL her children married, held her
grandbaby that is due next April; and has led new mission trips into Turkey,
Kenya, Mexico and many new places she had yet to proclaim God's goodness.
She expected to take the power that raised Jesus from the dead, and had
miraculously healed her body, to a people who did not know such a
God. We were
expecting a miraculous healing that would be a testimony to the lost; a
sign to her doctors; a wonder to our neighbors; and an encouragement
to our church to get out there and "do the stuff of Jesus" wherever and
however it's needed.
Where do I
stand now? I am DEFIANT! I hate cancer and all other sickness now more than
ever. I expect divine justice to give me back seven-fold or more in
healings what I have lost tonight. I am even more determined that what I saw
tonight, droplets of blood spraying from Vicki's nose and mouth as she
breathed her last breath, was not God's will- its what Jesus died
for in our
place. I will not make peace with the enemy of eternal life (sin) or with
the enemy of physical life (sickness) and call it God's will. I will
call it mystery- the secret
things of God that I do not understand
(Deut.29:29), but I will not accept it as some heavenly "status quo." If
that comes across to you as error or heresy, earnestly pray for me. Just
know that I WILL continue to praise the Lord for His goodness and expect to
see it throughout my life in "the land of the living!"
Even though I
was wrong in my prediction of the outcome, I am glad that I believed.
that even to the end I did not waver. I can tellyou that, from where I now
stand, I am not sorry that I stood in faith- that I didn't give into the
momentary fiery darts of fear that tried to steal my peace or my joy
almost daily. Whenever I face trials such as these again, I believe that
I'll believe! It is
truly much easier than the alternative!
Pray for me
in the days ahead. Pray for my family and my church (Round Rock
Chapel). I can't help but feel extremely crippled with the one who completed me
now gone. I'm not sure I know how to minister without her love,
support, counsel, friendship, laughter and sweet presence. I know the spiritual
answer is that God is all of those things to me, but I had come to
realize long ago that she was God's gift of those (and many other) things to
me. The loss of a daughter left a gap in my life and our family. This
loss has left a deep gap in ME. I know from experience that God will
grace me with his love and fill the pain of this moment. I guess an important
part of faith is not seeing how it can be done, but still expecting it
nonetheless!
I want to end
this by saying to so many of you (more than I'll ever know, I'm sure)
thank you, Thank You, THANK YOU!!! You have prayed for us and owned our
battle as yours. listened to God and shared His encouragement to us time and
again at strategic times so needed. invited others we did not know to stand
with us. prayed and believed when it seemed so ominous.
When we get
to heaven and see each other, we will reminisce about what we discovered
about God through this time together.
Until that time.
Blessings!
Dennis Hall
