Testimonies
Rose Addington
I
have spent the last 45 minutes or so in my room talking out loud to our
Father God and Jesus Christ. It began as a prayer with me praying
for my children and their families, my friends and their families, our
church body, and for our pastors. I asked Father to forgive me of
my sins, I repented of using my tongue for anything but good, and any
other sins I’ve committed without thinking.
To
begin this testimony, I must tell you that about a few weeks ago, I was
asleep and awoke to a song by Nicole Mullen called “One
Touch”. I often listen to soft Christian music or pastors
on my TV, who I respect, as I fall asleep. Anyway, I kept my eyes
closed, except to look to see who was singing it, and the name of the
song. The next day I downloaded it, and I weep every time I hear it. I
would love to play it for you all if I could. Please look for it.
Anyway,
you all know I have been in and out of the hospital frequently since
January - all because of how sick the chemo makes me. Most
recently, I was there for 10 days, following by my return to chemo two
weeks ago this Monday - and until one day ago, I could not eat, sit up
or walk across the room from weakness. I am now much stronger,
and had made the decisions to walk by faith, not by sight, and to put
my health in the hands of our Lord. I have talked to some of my
friends, and to Pastor Ed, specifically concerning this, but I changed
my mind every other day. As you know, back in 2007, I had a dream
or vision, where among other things, the Lord told me He had closed my
eye so that I would walk by faith and not by sight, and that
“they” need to see a miracle. (I didn’t know who
“they” was - but it could be my children - it could be all
of us here.)
Okay,
after my asking forgiveness, and praying for my families, I began
talking out loud sitting straight up in my bed in the dark. I
thanked God for the two angels I have seen in the last 6 years, and
acknowledged out loud that I know I have angels with me now as well,
and that the Holy Spirit in me echoes my heart’s desires to the
Lord. I asked him for more wisdom and more faith in this decision
regarding my chemo. I had even toyed with the idea to ask for
lower doses of chemo - straddling the fence.
I
told the Lord I wanted to live a long time, and for Him to use me to
His glory. That however long or short my life was, to let my life bring
Glory to His Name. So I laid there in the darkness, and told Him
I knew His voice, but to please remove any unbelief from my thoughts as
I listened for Him. At first I found my mind wandering about
worldly things, but caught myself each time. I cast Satan and my
own fleshly weakness out, and then I asked God for two scriptures that
would help me with my unbelief and with my faith to know it was Him.
I also told the Lord I surrender it all, as long as He uses me.
Except
for a few scriptures, I cannot quote them by book and verse. I
know what Jesus said, but have a hard time with my memory. I heard Luke
24:35, where Jesus appears after His ressurection and says,
“Peace be with you” and Matthew 17:20, which deals with
unbelief and faith as a mustard seed. I cried and cried.
I
began talking out loud in the darkness again, and told the Lord I knew
I was once the woman at the well, but also, how I identified with the
woman with the issue of blood. Now I know the story well,
although I am not sure where it can be found. As I talked out
loud to the Father and Son, I raised my hands and through my sobbing
told the Lord I believe, I believe. I told Him that just as she
was cast outside the city gates away from her family, her friends and
her temple, that’s how I feel when I’m in the hospital and
too sick at home to get my own glass of water, much less go to
church. I told him I know how it feels when people stare at my
pale face, my eye that doesn’t open, or worse yet, to be
“outside” my church physically and alone at home. She
had spent all she had and then some chasing doctors. I have done the
same.
She
crawled through the crowds anyway, risking it all, just to touch the
hem of His garment. She was scared, not only because of the crowd, but
of possible wrath from our Lord. I know if I have enough faith to
believe He alone can and has done this for me, and if I heard it from
Him just as she did, I could walk in faith.
I
raised my hands and through tears with a barely audible voice, I
reached for Him. My fingers grasped at His robe right there in my
room, and I said, "Father God, please strengthen my faith so that
I’m drawn close enough to touch Him."
I
laid back and a peace came over me. I asked God once more to take
me to a scripture to confirm my divine broken-heartedness and pure joy
and peace. I laid there quietly, and pressed upon my spirit was
Mark 5:25. I’m going to be completely honest, this is one
book I have never read. So I turned on my lamp, turned to
Mark 5:25 and began to read out loud to myself the story of the woman
who just had to touch the hem of His robe and knew she would be healed!
I was crying, my heart was leaping out of my chest, and I could
barely mutter, “Daughter, thy faith hath made thee whole; go in
peace, and be whole of thy plague.”
I marked it so I wouldn’t lose it ever again, and I thanked God over and over. Then I started to laugh and cry.
Then I got up and wrote this all down not only for myself, but in the hopes that Pastor, you would let me share it on Sunday.
Needless
to say, by the time you read this, I will be calling my doctor to tell
her I don’t need to discuss it with her anymore and that I know
what God has told me He is doing in my life. By faith, I will be
made whole in every way, and the Lord will use me smooth or rough.
My faith that comes from the Lord will leave me with not only my
hands touching His robe in Spirit, but my entire life like a purring
kitten curled up in the hands of the Master as I begIn to live again.
Written by Rose
1:30 a.m. Friday morning July 31, 2009
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